You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
