so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
