I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
