I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
