I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
