which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
