i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
