Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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