I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon