THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
this hospital has no fireball
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?