i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.