Yo dont text me then not text me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.