I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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