At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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