He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
