plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
