Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this will be a night to untag.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
