I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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