Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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