My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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