So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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