Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
