I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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