So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
