Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
