u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
