i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
