Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
