Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
