we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
