her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
