i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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