oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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