Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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