Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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