you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
