I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
