There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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