Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
