I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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