he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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