I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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