I accidentally burped into my bong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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