the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
