Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
