her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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