So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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