You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
