Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
