fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
