shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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