You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
