i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize