On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am naked and annoyed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
