So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
