We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
