those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
