you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
