Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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