he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
