Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
