I will die if light touches me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
